Church

Lately I've been going to Prairie Lakes Church every time I'm in Cedar Falls on a Sunday. I really like the place even though it's a complete opposite from what I'm used to. I'm used to the quaintness of Ashton Chapel; this church has two morning services with about 500 people for each service. I started going because it is more informal and nobody notices me sitting by myself in a group that large. I find that when I go it cleans my soul out. I come in just proud of myself for waking up in time for it and my heart is still tainted by the long week I had gotten through. I try not to judge but in the begining with the people on stage singing I judge. I think they are trying to show off and show that they have more faith then the rest of us. When Pastor John gets up there though and starts speaking I open up my heart and my darker side gets some much needed light shed on it. It used to be a job to go to church in the morning and something I did more out of guilt than wanting to. Right now church is just something I need to cleanse me spiritually before I encounter another long week.

This passage describes me perfectly lately. I must do something to change the ending. I will not just resign to let it eat away at me. I must change direction while I still can.

"Sadly, sadly, the sun rose; it rose upon no sadder sight than the man of good abilities and good emotions, incapable of their directed exercise, incapable of his own help and his own happiness, sensible of the blight on him, and resigning himself to let it eat him away."
-Charles Dickens, "A Tale of Two Cities"

Tired

I'm just so tired lately. It doesn't stem from being physically active or even staying up late, because neither of those have occured, I'm just tired of life, which I know is a terrible thing to say. It doesn't mean I don't appreciate life as a gift. I went to bed at 8pm last night and work up at 7:45 this morning. I almost slept 12 hours. Do I have the time to do that? No. But monday was done with me long before I was done with it and I decided I wanted no more part of that day. Yet today here I am struggling to stay awake, I even napped. I just need some form of rejuvination soon.

A weekend adventure (true story)

Just some real life experience kipp and i encountered on "the hill"

Rocks, Pebbles, Sand, and Beer

I walked into my required "Capstone" class today not wanting to be there. At UNI you have to take one random class on a random subject your Junior or Senior year. I decided to go for what everyone says is the easiest, Environment, Technology, and Society. Of course I didn't know what the subject was even going to be. I walked to the part of campus I've never been in before and went into the Industrial Tech Center, sitting down in a classroom that had all sorts of technical stuff on the walls that I had no idea what they were about. (Dean, you would know I'm sure)

The prof walked in and looked like what I would have pictured a technical prof to look like, a sturdy older man with white hair. But what he talked about the next 2 hours threw me off guard.

He started right off the bat by talking about how this class had been forced on him 15 years ago and how he thought the school objectives for it were poorly done. He then told us of his history of giving almost everyone A's, how he got in trouble with the admin. for it but then they let it slide since they needed profs for the course no one wanted to teach. He talked about how we are all part of one big picture and how we all effect one another. Rather than some boring science class he views it as a philosophy class where we share how Environment, Tech, and Society all interact together, mixing in some spiritual elements as well.

Then he proceeded to pull out a small plastic bucket the size of a coffee can and fill it to the brim with large rocks.

"Is this bucket full" he asked us as we looked on confused.

Well yeah, it was full, we said, wondering how this was relevent

He then went on to pour in smaller pebbles, filling in the spaces between the rocks...

"Full?" he asked, we said yeah but knew this had to be going somewhere

Soon sand was poured and packed in and to top it off he finished off by pulling out a beer and pouring it in, sipping the rements that wouldn't fit.

Then he started.

"The rocks represent those things in life that are very important to you, family and friends. The pebbles are things that are important but only slightly such as school, work, bills. When you get down the the sand those are the things in life that are important momentarily but fleeting. You have to focus on the big picture first, family and friends, if you put the numerous little things first, if you fill your bucket with sand, there is no room for the most important things in life. In this class I want to look at the big rocks, the important things to your lives"

Well what's the beer for?

"To remind ourselves that there is always room and time to sit back and have a beer"

The class laughed and applauded.

Start of a new year...

I'm not very good at this blogging thing, in case none of you have noticed...

The girl I met, well we've been dating more or less since I posted that last blog, she's great...but I don't love her...I find myself thinking of all the ridiculous things of relationships, how rarely they last, and I'm just not buying into it right now...I date to meet that one girl that I want to be with forever, but I think right now I'm dating just to prove to myself that I can again after the last one...

I'm uncomfortable in my own skin, I almost fear that the longer I wait to find a girl the less chance of one wanting to take me there is...

Too much time to think...that's what this is. I used to pride myself on inner reflection all the time and my observations, but you gotta live, you just got to get out there and live

I have trouble hanging out with just small groups of close friends, I love them, that's for sure, but there are so many places to go, so many people to meet, and I like meeting people for the most part, people seem to like me the most when they've just met me. The same goes for dating, when I'm in a relationship I realize that there are girls that would probably go out on a date with me, if i would grow up and ask...

I need to be back at school, I feel like an underachiever at home, it's hard being the black sleep instead of one of the gang

"It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed, is you."
-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button