Where’s the inspiration? I used to go out and shoot photos and write stories and poems. Now I don’t have any of that. I don’t know if I’m desensitizing myself the more I get into college or what. I don’t know if some of the changes that have happened to me since college are smothering my softer side or not.
I’m in a rut. I go through the week as I did the week before and the week before that. I go to classes and then waste the rest of my day. I have no desire to do anything else. Every now and then a good idea for a poem will pop up, but then promptly fade away. My lack of focus is startling. Writing this is way too much work.
I feel in constant conflict. I only see things in black in white it seems. Either my friends think I’m the best thing ever or they hate me. I have a hard time reading the gray areas.
I feel like everyone is mad at me or out to get me for no reason. It scares me, but at the same time I almost feel as I deserve it.
I have such extreme ups and downs. It only takes a certain look from a friend or a comment and the amazing day I’ve been having has just evaporated into thin air.
My self esteem has left me completely.
My unique fun self is disappearing in a wash of conformity. I conform to make more friends, only to find that people don’t like the conformed me, yet I am having a hard time going back, I don’t know if I even can go back.
The things that make me who I am are slowly eroding away and it’s only so long before I’m just another face in the crowd.
My story will be birth, school, career, family, death
Notice there isn’t any life in that story which is the tragedy of it all
I want to live life, I want to enjoy life, but something is there holding me back…
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About Me
- Travis HP
- My thoughts as I transition into adulthood and try to understand more of the world and those who I share it with. Year 1: Las Cruces, New Mexico- Helping the Homeless. Year 2: Denver, Colorado- Working at a Syringe Exchange helping those addicted to drugs learn how to stay healthy, how to prevent the spread of disease, and for them to realize that there are people who care.
1 comment:
oddly I have had thoughts but along the opposite lines, instead of thinking that people are out to get me, I have become more passive to them. They can lecture me about Obama, or how we need to be more green, but it doesn't really register. It's like I have to want to get worked up about it.
Which is worse, to have extreme ups and downs or to always be the same? I've had a bad sore throat since late last week. It's just become part of me.
You can not go back once you have conformed, at least not fully.
And finally,
What does it mean to live life, what does it mean to enjoy life?
can you enjoy it if you don't know how to or what it means?
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